Working with Breast Cancer

Before breast cancer decided to impact my life, I worked a lot but I didn’t mind. I personally have known I wanted to help people with disabilities since I was a young girl. Unlike my friends in college who did not know what they wanted to do when they grew up, I knew what the track was for me.

I attended Southern Connecticut State University to study Therapeutic Recreation with a focus on disability studies. Including people with disabilities within their communities was always something very important to me. After gaining experience in different aspects in the field I knew for me to be truly happy I would probably need to break off and start my own agency to help individuals with disabilities and their families. In 2014, my boss passed away to cancer and I knew it was time to jump and take a risk. By 2015, I gave my notice and announced the beginning of Community Navigators, a non-profit driven to help create inclusive opportunities in individuals own communities.

I did not know at that time that 6 months later I would face breast cancer, I did not know how challenging it would become to juggle working, building a new non-profit and managing breast cancer all at the same time. During the first few months of my diagnosis I took a step back and thankfully Community Navigators was in a good place for me to take a step back for the time being. Goes to show you that even when you think your healthy and have all the time in the world to make your dreams come true; you never really know what the future will bring so YOLO! (You only live once)

Now that I’ve been battling breast cancer for over a year it’s time to try get back into the groove of life and work. CNI means a lot to me and my husband left his trucking business to fill my shoes while I was in treatment. If it confuses people why I’m a volunteer CEO, well treatments make you tired. My hip can make it very challenging to help people when it’s flaring, I am not where I was physically before cancer and I can’t always anticipate when I can assist.

Many of us women and men with metastatic breast cancer look good and healthy. Many of us put on a phenomenal act to continue to live in the world everyone else lives in. I struggle feeling guilty not being able to do more. I’m learning how to make compromises with life. Life keeps going and it moves very quickly. You see friends and others growing in their professions. You see other thrivers working like they are not sick. All of this makes taking it easy and taking care of yourself very challenging because you don’t want to be left behind. But the biggest reality is I (we) cannot rely on generous donations forever and in order to keep a roof over our heads working has to happen. Disability is helpful but it doesn’t pay the bills.

For many people you see lately who get struck with cancer it’s their GoFundMe pages that help them through the worst part of their journey. All the help we realized definitely helped during the initial part of my journey and I couldn’t not be more thankful for all the love and support! But we cannot depend on everyone’s generosity until my cancer ultimately wins.

Some of my best friends have intellectual disabilities and they stood strongly next to me during the beginning of my journey, so I never stepped away from “work” and I’m lucky I don’t view spending time with people with disabilities as work but as time with my friends. But when I try to jump back into everything the biggest battles working are doctors’ appointments, fatigue, bone pain, chemo brain and insecurities of cancer. I rarely work alone, my husband or someone is usually with me. Not because I can’t work alone but because it gives me a sense of support. I’m happy my knowledge and years of experience keep me needed and included. Yes, keeping my mind off cancer and doing something else is wonderful but it is hard to keep balanced. I’m a go-getter so it’s hard for me to stay on the sidelines while my body tells me very loudly to stop and slow down. I’m learning how to listen to my body and not be superwoman. I am very confident but nothing prepares you to explain all the time that I don’t feel. It’s even harder because you know you look healthy.

by Larissa Gionfriddo Podermanski, Metastatically Speaking, May 2017

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